GRWM to fight a boss battle against myself
(you can thank Smokey Bones for this substack)
The server was just doing her job, but she didn’t realize she had just walked up to a land mine.
I asked for a water. He asked for a beer.
And I was dabbing tears from my eyes with a paper napkin.
All I wanted was a date. Dinner and a movie. It should have been so simple.
But we had fallen into our old familiar patterns. I was absorbing responsibility for stress that didn’t belong to me. He was worrying for the sake of worry. We were upset with each other for things unsaid.
And it all spilled out before we’d even gotten our drinks.
“Can we just go home?” I’d asked.
“Please can we just have a good night?” he’d pleaded.
The thing about the weight of realization is that it never hits you at a convenient time. Or place.
I certainly never asked for it to hit me at a Smokey Bones on a random Saturday afternoon.
We got through dinner. We saw the movie (Final Destination: Bloodlines). We went home and fought it out. I cried myself to sleep.
I spent weeks figuring out if this relationship was for me, or if it was time to burn it down and start again. I cried every day. I withdrew from my friends.
But here’s the thing—a breakup wouldn’t fix me. Doing that wouldn’t make me my best self. Doing that would hurt me more than help me.
I don’t know what the future holds for my relationship, but I’m hopeful. Maybe it doesn’t work out. Maybe it does. But either way I’ve realized I am responsible for finding happiness and contentment within myself above all.
Truth is, despite how much work I’ve done on myself in the last few years it almost feels like I’m about to enter a boss battle with myself.
I’m the final girl and I’m also the monster.
So where does this leave me? Why is this called GRWM?
This isn’t a beauty blog. This isn’t a wellness newsletter. This isn’t even about my relationship (except for the one with myself).
This is me, getting ready—for the day, the week, my next version, whatever the universe throws at me next.
Here are the sacred tenants of GRWM:
Some is enough - effort and intention matter more than outcome
Ritual is better than routine - routine is boring, but rituals feel magical ✨
Planning is power - it’s just my gel pens, paper planner, and me against the world
Scented candles and twinkly lights always - because life feels a little better under twinkly lights
Romanticism 🤝 Realism - a rose-colored hue on a deep cut doesn’t heal the cut, but it does make it easier to look at
Trust the process - some days will be goblin, some glam, most in-between and all are valid
Want to GRWM for your own boss battle? You’re invited ✉
